


Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 1,185

by crazyoldhermit



Series: Obi-Wan Kenobi: Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit [56]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-19
Updated: 2016-11-19
Packaged: 2018-08-31 19:24:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8590612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyoldhermit/pseuds/crazyoldhermit
Summary: The satirical saga continues, as mysteries are solved, and Ben's inner circle grows. www.ramblingsofacrazyoldhermit.com





	

Tatooine - Day 1,185:

It's been ten days since I slapped around Maul like the punk he is. And seeing that he hasn't kicked down my door yet, I can assume that he somehow got past the Empire's blockade. He left Tatooine behind in search of his mysterious Sith Temple. Before he left, I planted a suggestion in his mind that he should forget about seeing me on this planet. Hopefully I was persuasive enough that he'll remember to keep forgetting me. 

It was good to have Chewie and Han back. Watching them interact with each other brought new life to my dismal hut. Han was beginning to pick up on the Shyriiwook language, especially when Chewie was mad or being a smart ass. Han would occasionally curse Chewbacca out in Chewie's native tongue, and the Wookiee would laugh so hard blue milk would shoot out of his nose. 

While I was recuperating in a bacta tank, Han and Chewie were racing around the galaxy in Slave I, liberating Wookiees. Since Boba Fett's ship had a cloaking device they were able to covertly land on Kashyyk and extract a ship's worth of Wookiees, several times a day. 

"It was a real bummer, man," Chewie said. "When the Empire invaded Kashyyk, they immediately split up families. Parents didn't know where their children were, or if they were even still alive. Husbands and wives were broken up. It was heartbreaking, man."

"How tragic," was all I could think to say. 

"No shit, old timer," Han chimed in. "As far as we could tell the men were put to hard labor, the women were made into servants, and the kids..."

"Dude!" Chewie interrupted. "Ben, it was so crazy. We saw evidence that the Empire had stormtroopers training the kids in combat!"

"To what end?" I queried. 

"We don't know, for sure," Han volunteered. 

"But hey man, it's my belief that the little dudes were being groomed to be some kind of stormtrooper super soldiers! Can you imagine full grown Wookiees as stormtroopers?!"

"Frig that," I said, without hesitation. 

"It's a sad state," Chewie began, "when you have to rescue a species from their own planet."

"I hear ya, big guy. So what happened, why'd you stop?"

Chewie and Han looked at each other. "They caught on to us, man," Chewie hung his head. "On the last pickup of the day we got ambushed. No one made it to the ship alive. If it weren't for Han's mad piloting skills, we'd be dead as well."

So they came back to Tatooine, deciding to make it their home base, and to spend some time plotting their next move. They needed a ship, which required credits. They also needed to find Wookiees in need of rescuing. The spice mines of Kessel were mentioned on more than one occasion. 

The three of us fell right back into our old routine. During the day, Chewie and Han would gamble in Mos Eisley and try to uncover new leads. At night while the fourteen year old Han Solo slept, Chewie and I sat around the campfire exchanging war stories and ingesting Bockta flowers. The only thing we were missing in order to complete our little family was Luke Skywalker. 

That bastard Owen snuck off with Luke twenty-two days ago. During the entire time that he had been gone I could sense that Luke was still on Tatooine and was not in any immediate danger. So I needed to be patient, Owen would eventually return Luke to me, or Beru would return and demand Owen give up custody of Luke. 

My precious Beru. Somewhere on Takodana, she was staying with her twin sister, waiting to give birth to our love child. In about two-hundred days I would be a father. My life would change forever. When Beru returned with our baby, the three of us would take Luke and flee this sandy colon of a planet once and for all. As long as we avoided any imperial entanglements, the galaxy would be our playground. My child along with the son of Anakin Skywalker would grow up together learning the ways of the Force. 

The pounding on my hut door startled us all awake. Chewie, who was laying comfortably in the hammock covered his eyes with his ginormous and hairy arm. He was not interested in who was at the door. I started to rise out of my bed, my joints cracking in unison, but young Han was already at the door. 

"Who the hell are you?" Han asked as pleasantly as he could. There was a moment of silence, then he yelled, "Luke!" 

I bolted for the door and Chewie fell out of the hammock. There, standing in the doorway was Owen Lars and Luke Skywalker. 

"Chewie!" Luke screamed and pushed right past me. The little shit. 

"So Owen, you've finally come to your senses?" I said, staring him down. 

In the background I could hear Luke wrestling with Chewie. The boy was climbing all over the giant Wookiee, ripping out tufts of hair with his four year old fists. 

"Look Kenobi, I don't want to fight," Owen confessed. 

Sure Lars, because we'd all kick your ass!

"I'm sorry I took the boy. I only wanted to get my wife back."

I leveled with Owen, "As you can see, and as I have told you before, Beru left me as well."

"Yes," Owen began weeping, "I guess I should have listened to you."

"Where the hell were you hiding, anyway?" I needed to know. 

"We lived under the protection of Jabba the Hutt."

"That slug of a bitch! He lied to me!" I turned to Chewie and Han in order to elicit their support. "He lied to me twice! A double freaking lie!"

"Well, I don't know nothing about that," Owen said, still standing in the doorway, not sure if he should enter or not. "But now I owe that swindler half of my water produce every month."

"Cry me a river, Lars!" And with that I used the Force to slam the door in his face. 

There was a slight knock. "What?!" I demanded, throwing the door open. 

Owen asked sheepishly, "So, are we square?"

"Yes," I huffed, "whatever. Just stay the hell away from us, from now on."

"Ok, sur..." Owen began, but had to finish his conversation to my closed door.


End file.
